And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
