I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
