Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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