Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Floor bacon is actually really good
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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