dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
