Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
