He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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