I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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