he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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