I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
