Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The uberlube is also flammable
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
