Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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