Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
