So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I love having hate sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
