You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
