You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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