My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
