Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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