dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize