How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
