my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
