some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was confusing and full of hummus
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
