oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
