Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
