Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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