You're my little dorito
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
