Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize