Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
