I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
