Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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