Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
People in love make me want to vomit
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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