Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so let's talk penis.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
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