Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
