You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I understand Curling. That high.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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