I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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