Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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