I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
