He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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