THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
