just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
