walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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