They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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