There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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