She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We are two peas in an std pod
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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