I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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