I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
