Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
