just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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