she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
