tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
