Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Of course I have a pirate flag
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
