consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
