I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
