it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
