We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
