from now on my penis is your penis
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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