Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize