I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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