If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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