so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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