i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
