Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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